Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Two Sentence Tuesday--Too Good To Be True

I was tickled silly yesterday to find one of my favourite full page ads in the Edmonton Journal. The Heat Surge(R) Fireless Flame(R) miracle heaters with the real Amish mantles are back.
A few changes have been made to the ad this season.  The lead photo is of the heaters in the warehouse rather than Amish men making the mantles.
The ad copy has been through yet another rewrite. Last year the original references to how well the heaters were selling in Florida and California was omitted. This latest version plays down the Amish angle while playing up how the first 3, 908 people to call get the heater for free (you only pay for the mantle) though there is a limit of two per household. Since it rolls from room to room  and needs only to be plugged in I do wonder why a household needs two, but I am sure I am just being an old stick-in-the-mud.
Here are two non-continguous sentences for your edification and enjoyment:
"Readers who beat the 48-hour order deadline are getting their new infrared miracle heaters free when encased in the Amish built real wood fireplace mantle."

"This new advanced heating system warms more than just the air, it heats objects like furniture, walls and people for a warm and comfortable home."
My contributions this past week have been steady, if slow. 
The rewrite is coming along and that's about all I can ask of it.
Here are two recent sentences from The Legend of Shallal:
"A valve opening directly over the chief pressure point was a logical solution, but a deadly one. It would wipe the life off the island, and likely wipe the island off the face of the ocean."
Thank you.
For more or to get in on the fun please see the Women of Mystery.


Dawn said...

"It would wipe the life off the island, and likely wipe the island off the face of the ocean."
....Leah, YOU have a wonderful way with words!
This sentence is MY FAVORITE so far....and I'm not sure why- other than my attention is grabbed yet again by what it is your writing!
AND, it's almost poetic:)

I think I would like to order one of those Amish heaters....just to say I have one!

Leah J. Utas said...

Dawn, thank you so much. I don't know if my writing's ever been called poetic. That's a wonderful compliment.

If you ever do get an Amish mantle covered heater I want to hear if it actually works. I think you'd get a better deal (and cheaper) getting something similar at Canadian Tire and then gluing oak strips on it.

Clare2e said...

Leah, where is fun in avoiding true Amish craftsmanship? Really!

BTW, I love a deadly solution.

Pearl said...

Commercials featuring the industrious Amish are all over the TV this season -- and heck, if they're guaranteed to heat my FURNITURE, who am I to not make that call?


Leah J. Utas said...

Clare, I know, I know. Thanks.

Pearl, you have a point. Thanks for stopping by.

messymimi said...

Are they really willing to say goodbye to a whole island? It must be some emergency. You have me wanting to know more details.

No Amish mantle here -- too many stairs to roll it from room to room. If you ever meet anyone with one, a product review could make an interesting post.

Leah J. Utas said...

Messymimi, they're doing their best to save it. Thanks for the interest.

I've searched for the product followed by the words "problems," hoax," or "scam" and found sadly entertaining results.

Real Amish furniture is wonderful, as far as I can tell. This nonsense, not so much.

Reb said...

I wouldn't mind an Amish mantle, but only over a real fireplace. I like your lines...wiping islands from oceans could be interesting.

Leah J. Utas said...

A real Amish mantle over a real fire place. That'd be great, Reb.
And thanks.

Cheryl Kohan said...

Love your two sentences, Leah. I could just imagine the whole thing happening.

We've had those Amish mantle ads in our newspaper, too. They're just a little to non-Amish (i.e. commercial) for my taste.

Leah J. Utas said...

Thanks, Cheryl. I like your "non-Amish" description.

Ron Scheer said...

If we're talking about the same ads, I find the design so utterly unappealing I marvel that anyone buys these contraptions. Yet it seems to target that market perfectly.

Dorte H said...

What a dramatic quotation.

And how funny that the Amish heaters are not only hot air :D

Leah J. Utas said...

Ron, these come out of the same boiler room in Canton, Ohio as the uncut sheets of American dollars, the gold alloy coins, and dog knows what else. They know how to market themselves.

Dorte, nice to see you here. Yup. And Thanks.