Thursday, October 8, 2009

Freaky or Dull?

When I was young I would think ahead and I would see me at certain ages. However, this sight stopped at age 42. I’d think of me at that age and a huge, thick curtain would fall in front of my mind’s eye. I never had the sense of anything sinister, but I did wonder what I was hiding from myself.
Turns out I, or maybe a Guide, had more sense than to show me I was doing exactly what I wanted then. I was a stay at home writer. I suspect this was kept from me so I’d go about learning what I needed from life and reporting in order to be a writer. If I’d known it was coming, then I may have focused on it instead of learning what I needed from life experience.
Then a few years ago I kept seeing myself in the hospital. In this sight I was in for nine days with a life-threatening condition from which I made a full recovery.
The big difference between that and reality was I spent 10 days in three different hospitals. Oh, and the recovery’s not full yet. That’ll happen.
Today I can’t see much of anything. There’s a whitish haze or cloud when I try to think ahead. Further, every time I try to meditate my mind wanders away or I fall asleep. No sinister feelings this time either.
My guess is something so wild, so freaky, and so exciting is in store for me that it’s better if I don’t know about it.
The other possibility is things are going to be really, really dull and my Guides don’t want to bore me.
Whatever it is I want a record of it here. And for said record I’m going with freaky and exciting. I hope I’m ready.

I’m curious? Has anything like this ever happened to you? Can you see yourself in five years? Ten? Fifty?
Ever have the view blocked?

14 comments:

Miz said...

powerful stuff.
for me it isnt an age thing but an action one. If I cant see in my mind something happening (my book being published etc) I know it never will.

Ive always thought this was more the law of attraction than anything else (if I caint see it I wont be it :) type stuff).

I cant conjure up an image of an older me.
Never thought this would be me at 40.
Cant imagine 60.

need to sit with this concept this morning as I meditate.

the Bag Lady said...

This is very interesting, cousin! I am trying to decide if I have ever had a vision of what was in store for me in the future. I don't think I ever had a really clear vision. Perhaps that's why I've always just sort of drifted into things.

I think I need to sit down and actually concentrate.
Thanks for giving me something to think about!
(Oh, and I think you're right - yours is going to be exciting, so your Guides want to surprise you!)

Leah J. Utas said...

Miz, thanks. I've never gotten the impression that I had to see it to know it was real. I certainly get how that is for you.
I've always done these flights of imagination and always wondered what the blocks meant.
Meanwhile, I'd love to hear what you get when you think about this. You don't have to tell me, of course, but if you want to, then it'd be welcome.

Leah J. Utas said...

dfBag Lady, glad to know I got your gears turning.
It'd be cool to find out what you get, but it's your business and your choice who you tell.
Thanks for the vote for exciting. I sure do hope it's the case.

bunnygirl said...

I've never had the type of experience I think you're describing, but I've always been able to imagine myself very old.

I figure it's my Saturn nature, being a Capricorn and all. Both of my grandmothers lived to nearly 100, so I had good role models.

I'm okay with it if fate has other plans, but everyone needs a goal and mine is to celebrate the 1,000-year anniversary of the landing of William the Conqueror. I want to go to the UK and attend whatever festivities are on order. I'll be the classily-dressed, white-haired American gal standing on the shore with a very elegant cane in hand. I'll be 99 years old.

Leah J. Utas said...

Bunnygirl, that's a wonderful goal and I know you'll do it.
I'm sure between that target and being able to imagine yourself old there'll be no stopping you.

I can imagine myself old, too. I just need to get through the upcoming fuzzy bit.

Nancy said...

My mother died at age 27 and my father at age 58 - I'm going to be 56. I never see myself as elderly, and I think it's because I don't have role models. It upsets my children when I say I won't live into very old age, but I honestly don't think that I will. I don't see it as bad, just the way it is. Until then, however, I'll take exciting.

What's that old saying - If I had known I would live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself?

Reb said...

This is very interesting....I am pulling for exciting too.

Every time I make a five year plan... life kicks me in the head, so I don't do that anymore. Can I see myself old? Sometimes, I will have to pay attention and see what I can see.

Leah J. Utas said...

Nancy, I would have taken better care of myself, too. Good attitude you've got there. Take it as exciting and it will be.

Reb, I don't plan either. I see things here and there, that's about it.
I t hink if you've seen yourself old and it feels right, then that'll be the case.

solarity said...

I'm betting on exciting. You do not seem to find much dullness around you.

When I was fourteen I was getting ready to go to something dressy, and I looked in the mirror and saw myself as an old lady, wearing the same black velvet dress with the lace collar, and smiling over my shoulder at myself in the mirror (don't ask me to draw a diagram!). When I played old parts in high school and college theatre, I knew exactly how to make myself up.

I never know how my life is going to turn out, though. Whenever I have thought I did, I was wrong. What I do know is what to do next, whether it makes sense or not.

Mary Anne in Kentucky

Leah J. Utas said...

Mary Anne, what a cool thing to have happen. I'm guessing when you reach the age of you as an old lady that you'll have the other side of that experience.
Very thoughtful of you to visit yourself like that.
If you know what to do next, then it doesn't have to make sense until later.

Frank Baron said...

Interesting post, Leah.

I don't think I've ever seriously tried to see myself some years down the road. When younger, I was very much more a grasshopper than an ant (if you recall that cartoon). I tended to live in the moment, for the moment.

As my life circumstances changed, I forced myself to continue in that mindset - to focus on each day as it came and not look beyond it. I feared the future would be as uniformly bleak as that present, or egads! maybe worse.

Today, I'm pretty darn close to content, with gusts up to happy, but still find myself fairly un-curious about the road that lies ahead. What will be, will be, and I'll do my darndest to enjoy every minute as it unfolds.

Thomma Lyn said...

Oooooh, cool post!

I feel similarly to Bunnygirl -- I've always been able to imagine myself very old, and I think it's because my gram lived to be 100 years old.

I recall seeing Halley's Comet when I was eighteen. And I thought about how I could likely be viewing it again when I was ninety-four. Hope it's more spectacular when I'm 94 than it was when I was 18! ;)

Leah J. Utas said...

Frank, that's a really good way to do it. I know that all we can be absolutely sure about is the moment we've got now, but I do know some things ahead. I'm glad you're content and I wish you many more gusts to happy.


Thomma Lyn, how very cool about the comet, and about thinking how you'll see it again. I am sure you will, and I am sure it'll be magnificent.