Wednesday, July 9, 2014

For What It Is

I've been doing a great deal of cancer research. I've looked at the types of surgery available for colon cancer, the stages of the disease, chemotherapy and radiation treatments and their side effects, alternative treatments be they good, bad, or odd, and have saturated my mind.
I've learned quite a bit. I've applied some of the research to my daily fruit and vegetable smoothie.
Whatever else it does, raw fruits and vegetables are good for a body.
One simply cannot go wrong ingesting, good, healthy food.

But there comes a point where one must stop the research. Certainly one cannot have too much information.
Information is power.
Power guides one to direct one's energy.

I am at that point. I have decided to stop gathering knowledge and accept this disease for what it  is: a chance to change.
In the mind-body connection the area affected refers to issues such as control. It's not having any, or giving up one's control to others.
In my life I have dampened my energies to get along. I have forced myself to be less than I am.
This is wrong
This is stupid.
This stops now.

Cancer has brought me this lesson. I aim to learn it, learn it well, and practice it every single day for the rest of my long, healthy life.

I expect I'll slip back into the old program on occasion. It takes time to learn to live a different way.
But it can and will be learned.
I anticipate the loss of some friends and acquaintances.  if they don't like it, then they had no business being in my life in the first place.
I anticipate new, exciting friends and acquaintances who are a better fit for me.

It is an exciting time in my life and I embrace it.


the Bag Lady said...

Life is all about learning. Sometimes the lessons are harsher than others. You rock, all the time, cousin - in my book, anyway.

crabby said...

I am so curious about this statement: "In my life I have dampened my energies to get along. I have forced myself to be less than I am."

Because that's so not how you come across! But I totally admire the way you're taking this opportunity to grow and challenge yourself.

And hooray for exciting new friends and new ways of approaching things!

Virginia Lee said...

Bring on the new Leah! I figure there's just that much more to love. xo

Leah J. Utas said...

You rock, too, Cousin,

Crabby, email me for details if you like.

Be careful what you wish form, VL.

Kate, thanks. It's good.

Anonymous said...

BAM! Definitely a goosebumps post. Your attitude just rocks and I am so happy I found you out here on the WWW.

Tabor said...

I feel somewhat like you in that I keep molding myself into another's feet. Please share with us this journey of how you are changing your attitude about your life and what you are doing. We can all learn from this. Being proactive about a serious disease is very healthy.

messymimi said...

A lesson i'm still learning a bit at a time, not to make less of me than what i am capable of being.

Chris said...

Bring it.

solarity said...

You do not come across as dampened at all. But if it feels that way from inside, you should certainly let your strings vibrate freely!

Mary Anne in Kentucky

Leah J. Utas said...

Kimberley, I'm glad you did.

Tabor, thanks. I will keep everyone posted whether it is asked of me or not.

Messymimi, it is a constant lesson. We must be vigilant.

Chris, oh yeah.

I will, Mary Anne.

Hilary said...

I had the exact same thought that Crabby did. It's not how I perceive you but of course we all do that to one degree or another. If anyone will embrace a necessary change, I know it will be you. Be strong. That sounds redundant to me. You are among the strongest-will people I never met. Here's to your Leahvolution!

Leah J. Utas said...

Leahvolution! Love it.