Thursday, October 11, 2007

Sweatin’ With the Oldies

The Bag Lady wrote such an entertaining guest post for The Goat’s Lunch Pail last month that I insisted she do another one.
Here it is:

Sweatin’ With the Oldies

The Bag Lady has a little problem to discuss with all of you regarding the effects of aging. Well, actually, the Bag Lady has a lot of problems, but this is the one on her tiny mind today!

There’s a television commercial for a certain type of moisturizing cream that shows a woman covering her head with the blankets, saying "I’m starting to get wrinkles." When she takes the blankets off her head, she looks about 14 years old, not a wrinkle in sight.

What’s with that?

What kind of message is that sending those of us who actually DO have a wrinkle or two? The Bag Lady wonders; is life over because she has a few laugh lines? Couldn’t they have at least used someone with a few more years under her belt? That commercial doesn’t make a person want to buy their product – it makes a person want to slit her wrists!
There’s not a moisturizer on the market that’s going to make the Bag Lady look half as good as that ‘child’, so why bother?

There’s another commercial for eyeglasses. The slender, gorgeous woman was turning 50 and wanted to up-date her look, or something. As loath as the Bag Lady is to admit it, she will be 50 in a couple of months, so decided she needed to up-date her look, too, but eye-glasses just weren’t going to cut it!

The Bag Lady needed to lose a little extra poundage, and get into better shape, as well as discard for once and for all her totally disgusting smoking habit. Well, so far she’s lost 15 lb., re-gained 5 lb., quit smoking for a month, and then started again, quit again, and started again. Maybe she’ll just get new glasses and say the hell with it!

There’s a lot to be said for turning 50. For some reason, it makes you want to sit down and take stock of your life. Well, at least, it makes the Bag Lady want to sit down.
Her hips hurt. Her legs hurt, too. She can’t work as hard as she once could. Nor as fast, either. She starts out with good intentions, but runs out of steam pretty quickly. Well, except for the steam caused by the hot flashes, but that certainly doesn’t help get anything done! Just makes her want to sit down again.

The Bag Lady probably shouldn’t complain - things could be a lot worse. She has enjoyed good health for most of her life, except for a nasty battle with heel spurs that lasted three years. She finally had to have them blasted with shock-wave therapy. It took a little while, but it worked. Her feet feel a lot better.

Now her hips and legs hurt. Apparently, her pain is caused by back trouble. One of her vertebrae has slipped forward and is pinching her spinal cord, which is what causes the pain in her hips and down her legs. Sheesh, just when one part starts to heal up, another part goes to hell.

The Bag Lady wonders; is this what turning 50 does to a person? Your body goes to hell and you start complaining to everyone who’ll listen?

The problem with that is that nobody cares – they have their own problems! So from now on, she thinks what turning 50 should be about is to make a vow not to bore people to death with a litany of the problems with her bodily functions and to try to appear interested when she’s subjected to a litany of someone else’s problems with their bodily functions. Well, except their bowel functions…the Bag Lady has to draw the line somewhere!

Yep, new eyeglasses might be just the thing – and they’ll probably have to be bifocals.

11 comments:

Reb said...

Oh goody, I can complain for a couple of years yet! Very funny post Bag Lady! We all care and you can complain as much as you want. (If you had your own blog, you could do it all the time!)

Leah J. Utas said...

Reb, Reb, Reb. If the Bag Lady had her own blog (which I in theory support) she wouldn't be guest posting here and that's Just Not Right.

Reb said...

Oh, sorry Leah, you are of course right. On the other hand, she could still guest post.

Michael said...

I'm already taking stock of my life, and I don't have half the aches and pains you've mentioned (a few, but...). I'm still nine years younger than you, too.

I can so relate to the quitting smoking and losing weight issue. I've already stopped and restarted smoking twice in my life (for a year and a half the first time, seven months the second time), and it gets harder each time.

the bag lady said...

Obviously, I shouldn't have complained even this tiny bit - my computer crashed and I had to take it to the hospital!
Then it decided not to recognize my modem and I've been half a day trying to fix that (all this from someone who is totally inept at computer stuff...)
Michael, good for you for quitting smoking for the times you managed! Keeping trying - one of these times, it'll take! (and don't think the bag lady didn't notice the little dig about the 9 years age difference...)
Reb and Leah - one of these days, perhaps the bag lady will surprise you, but in the meantime, she won't be having her own blog for awhile yet. She has enough trouble trying to just get on the internet somedays!

Leah J. Utas said...

Bag Lady - Good to have you back.
I'm glad it was only the computer that needed to be hospitalized.

Hilary said...

Oh geesh .. i have to click all over Blogspot's half acre to find you. Just start your own for Blogger's sake! ;)

Great post bag lady. :)

Terrie Farley Moran said...

Hey Bag lady,

Nice Post!

I am more than 10 years older than you and I can truthfully say that although the wrinkles and the aches and pains continue to march along, each day I am very grateful (remember this on Gratitude Monday, Leah) that I am reasonably mobile and reasonably healthy.

I think as long as we acknowledge and try to improve the things that need improving and are happy about the good things are lives, then sweating with the oldies is simply exercising to music from a long time ago.

Forget that whole image on tv thing. Those people lie!

Terrie

the Bag Lady said...

Terrie - thanks for your comment. It's nice to know there are great people out there who have survived the turning-50 crisis! :)
One thing about hot flashes - you don't have to exercise to get sweaty when those old songs come on the radio!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Great post bag lady! I can SO relate. The hard part for me is that in my head, I'm still about thirty. But every time I confront the mirror or hear the racket from my knees when I walk down stairs I get such a rude shock. I don't FEEL older and it sounds like you don't either.

I have to side with leah on the blog thing--please don't start your own, just hang out on ours! We love to have amusing guest posts to run and witty regulars in the comments section. I'm quite selfish enough to be willing to deprive your many appreciative readers of a regular place to find you in order to hog you for furtherance of the Crab Empire.

(But of course if you did start one, I'd be over all the time. Just don't!)

the Bag Lady said...

Gee, Crabby, I knew we were exactly the same age (30ish!!)

As for having my own blog, don't worry, I'll still be hangin' out in all the same old places...and I'd love to be asked to do another guest post!
I'm still not sure I can maintain my blog...don't know if I have enough to say (at least, that people want to hear!)
Guess time will tell.