Lead Me Into Forgiveness

I finally get why being a leader upsets me.
Here's a bit of background:
Years go, I was maybe 12 at a family reunion on mom's side. There was a keg.
I helped myself, as so many others did.
At one point several other children lined up behind me.
I neither called them nor wanted them. For the record I did not entice them to the keg in any way.
But to hear a cousin's wife tell it, all the little children were lined up behind me. The clear implication being I deliberately led them into temptation and proceeded to provide it.
(Sidebar: Fuck you, Judy. I always liked you. Still do, but fuck you, Judy.)
This upset me.
I swore I didn't bring them along. They lined up of their own free will
I screamed inside, "I'm not a leader."

I can't stop anyone from following me to a keg, or down the street, or into a set of beliefs.  It's personal choice. But I resented the implication that I'd done it deliberately.
I realized over the years it was more than simple resentment.
The idea of leading scared me.
Being first in line is fine, but I do not lead. I do not want the responsibility.
Lately I have been wondering why. On Monday I got the answer.
During my meditation I asked what was holding my career back. According to  LeahWorld I should long have been a published author.

The scene from a past life flowed into my mind. I am familiar with this life as I have been regressed to it a few times.
My name was Erich von Stronn.*  I was a young soldier of the German army.  I led a small unit of men. We were ambushed. Some were killed. I was captured and tortured and left to die in the cold in the square in a Russian town.

Some of the men of the unit are in my life today. One despises me. I am sure he blames me for his death.
Another is a long-time friend. He has told me he does not blame me.
The other I have know for close to 50 years. She and I are friends, but time and distance has kept us apart.
It was she who betrayed us.
In our life now she is the only person who ever told me a secret that I later spilled. By later I mean the first chance I got.
I always wondered why I did that. It is out of character for me to say the least.

Fearing leadership has kept my career back. I understand it and knew to take the only step to shatter its power.
Forgiveness.
I forgave the betrayer.
But more importantly I forgave me.
I accepted responsibility for the deaths of my men,  I let a betrayer in our midst. I had to forgive me for that, and then forgive me for the betraying the betrayer in this life.

How this shakes out in my writing career I don't know. There may be a whole new component to my career now, one I can't imagine at this moment.
Whatever it is I am open to it. I can lead if it is what I am supposed to do.
And no one is going to die because of it.
__

*Best guess at the spelling. A friend originally suggested it would be spelled Strahn. During the regression where I got the name the version I used upstream came to me.

Away

I'll be offline for a few days.

This weekend is the ARE ® retreat in Montana with Dr. Barbara Lane.
I wrote about it in this post.
It features several regression sessions including one to the interlife. It’ll be amazing.

I’m driving down starting tomorrow--it’s at least 10 hours--and turning this into a five-day road trip.

That’ll be amazing, too.

Just me and my car and my thoughts. And road trip food.
Lots of road trip food.

In the meantime Miss Prozac has been busy at our team blog, Prozac Palace.

See you Tuesdayish.

Booting The Past From The Present

Does your past catch up with you? Well, actually, it’s never left your side.
Significant emotional and physical events from life, whether it’s 30 years ago or 300, stick with us.

Energy from people and events pool in our enduring subconscious minds and help to form us into who we are today. If we want to successfully change who we are, then we often need to go back and find the event.

Past-Life Regression can get this done.

At this point I usually get snickers snorts, guffaws, and other assorted bits of derision. That’s fine. It’s where that person is; it’s got nothing to do with me.
But I get significant amount of genuine, if quiet, interest, too, and that’s wonderful.

Helping a client get to and get through a previous lifetime is instantly gratifying. I get to watch pain being shed and happiness taking over. I’ve seen understanding and realizations light up faces and I know this light comes from inside.
The help that revisiting past lives brings is visible, tangible, and immediate.
I’ve seen privileged to see lives change immediately, literally right before my eyes. Pain and insecurity fall away and are replaced by the strength and beauty that was there all along. They stand tall after booting their past from their present.

Am I bragging? No. Not really.

Clients do all the work themselves. They heal themselves. They change their own lives. All I do guide them through it.
I’m grateful for the trust they place in me and the chance to help.

My Spontaneous Regression

We were huddled behind the counter. I was shaking slightly but tried not to show it. I wanted to be strong. The crunch of boots on the snow was rhythmic and unrelenting. It was cold on the floor. The sound was louder and closer.

About 18 years ago I was covering a talk by a woman who works with dementia patients. During her talk she had us sit quietly while she played a tape of a rhythmic banging sound.

It was terrifying.

While others in the session said afterward they were soothed, or the sound invoked a wonderful memory from childhood, I just wanted to run screaming from the building.

What was I seeing?
I was seeing me, as a young man, huddled on a floor behind a counter with my arms thrown over a young dark-haired woman.
It was November, it was the 1930s, and it was nighttime.

In my mind I could see the writing on the shop window. It looked like “G. D. Schir” and I had the feeling it sold kitchen utensils and may have been a bakery, too.

“Geschir,” said my German-speaking friend later. “That means utensils.”

This was my very first past-life regression, and it was spontaneous.
This sort of thing happens all the time. A fragrance reminds us of a past lover. A song we haven’t heard in 30 years takes us right back to junior high school. It’s common, but we don’t normally cast it in terms of regression.
But what about when we remember something that we know darn well didn’t happen to us this time around?

Maybe it’s happened to you. Have you ever gone somewhere new and felt like you’ve come home?
Or met someone new and remember that it’s someone you love?

Some are past-life memories. Others are triggers that we’ve set for ourselves to work through something, or to get on with our life’s works.
They’re a natural and normal part of life. But if you’re new to it, then it’s can be scary.

My spontaneous regression was disturbing, but in an odd way I welcomed it. I’d always thought I’d had a German life and figured it was around WWII.
I felt cheated growing up that I couldn’t speak German. When I did hear the language, it left me yearning for more.
I’ve had several regressions since and have seen who I was then. It’s settled something inside me.The terror I felt that day spurred me to find out more, and to become a hypnotherapist.

Perhaps it was a trigger I’d set for myself. Maybe I just need to confirm that what I’d always believed about a previous existence was true.
But whatever the reason, I had a spontaneous regression one day and I’m grateful.

I’d like to hear about spontaneous memories you’ve had, and what triggered them.

Reincarnation

How do you know you didn’t live before? Can you prove this is your first and only life?
You’re welcome to believe it. Do what fits your spiritual outlook and your comfort level.
But it you subscribe to the belief that life isn’t a one-shot affair, and you further believe that the people in your life have been with you before, then it’s reasonable to conclude that you’ve got some business with them. Karma maybe. Or maybe they’re offering a lesson that you’ve decided to have in this life.
But whatever it is, if you’re having difficulty understanding your life experiences, then exploring your past lives can give you a whole new set of tools for dealing with these events. Past-life regression can be exhilarating, traumatic, fun, terrifying, enlightening, and life-changing, all in one session. When you see friends and family today as the people they were once it gives you a different perspective on them. You may become more objective, understanding, or even kinder and more accepting in your view of them. And you’ll gain more understanding of your life choices, too.