Friday, April 18, 2008

Friday's Child - Once In A Blue Moon

Last year I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. It went about as well as one might expect.
By way of update, she eventually gave me a PO Box No. so I could send the money once the estate matters are settled, but to date she has refused to provide the postal code.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Blue Moon Birthday

My sister’s birthday fell on June’s blue moon. I thought it would be a nice thing to call and offer birthday wishes. I do not normally do this. Commonly this day passes unmarked by me unless we happen to be in the same room. Ditto with mine from her.

Hey it’s once in a blue moon event. Why not? Our parents are dead and I’m probably the only family member she’s got that knew it was her birthday.
Anyway I called early--10 a.m.--and left a message.
She called by mid-evening and was taken aback when my husband answered and wished her a happy birthday.

I told her I didn’t have anything else to say. I’d decided that given the day and moon phase I’d make a change and not ask for her new address. Of course, this might have been the only time she’d give it to me.

She went through her usual litany of whines. She sort of asked me what to do about something, but then told me that I might tell her something wrong.
She apparently knew what to do two days earlier, but didn’t do it. I’m not quite sure why, but apparently this wasn’t the right thing to do any more. I don’t know why. I also don’t know what we were talking about.

I may have to call her again soon. I do need her new address. The estate taxes have been filed and all that’s left is to pay for dad’s grave cover. That’s due in September and then I’m done with the business end of dad’s death. I can pay her out and close the account.

All it leaves is an estate matter from an uncle who was also insane and died in public care. Dad’s portion will be paid to his estate.

Maybe I should leave the account open, but I need to cut as many ties with my sibling as possible. She is trying with me all the emotional games and manipulations that worked on our parents. I’ve had it with her nonsense and her games.

It was her incarnational choice to live a life off the sanity bubble, and I think whatever we had to work out from it is behind us.
I no longer believe that her life has anything to do with mine.
The photo is of some of last year's bog cranberries we found along the trail at Twin Lakes.
Nothing is wasted in nature as it will add nutrients to the soil for this year's crop.


Frank Baron said...

Condolences on your Dad's passing. Mine died a few years ago and I was executor. It's work.

I'm sorry it doesn't seem possible to have a better relationship with your sister. But it seems you've come to terms with that.

I think it was good that you called. Don't lose her address when you finally get it. As my Dad always said, "you never know...."

Leah J.Utas said...

Thanks, Frank. You make a good point, and so did your dad.

Crabby McSlacker said...

So I guess a P.O. box without a postal code is completely useless? How frustrating. Hope you find out a way to wind things up and get some closure so you can really feel like you're done.

the Bag Lady said...

Love the cranberry photo. Strange you should use a picture of tart berries in a post about your sister - subliminal message there? (I'm just sayin'...)

Leah J.Utas said...

Well, Crabby, it might still get there, and I can always look it up. It was just awfully frustrating to be so close.

Df Bag Lady, my thought was the photo was about life, death and renewal. The post referred to a birthday and the passage of years.
Interesting association you've made. Glad you like the pic.

Reb said...

Nice photo Leah. Try this:

It would be nice to get all this settled.

Leah J.Utas said...

Thanks, Reb. Settled is good.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your sister is so difficult to deal with. I have a dear friend in a similar boat, and through her, I know something of how heart-wrenching it can be. You'll be in my thoughts.

That's a cool picture of the cranberries! The forest speaks volumes on renewal.

Leah J.Utas said...

Thanks for your kind words and for keeping me in your thoughts, Thomma Lyn. I appreciate it.

The forest renews me, too.