Are you at home with yourself?
This thought came to me the other morning while I was working out on my stationary bike.
At first I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Taken literally I was home alone, ergo, logically, I was at home with myself. Who else would I be with?
Then I understood I was being asked if I was comfortable in my own skin. Did I feel at home with myself? Am I “at home” with my body.
I have to say yes to that.
It has taken a long time. I’m of average height, looks, and intelligence, and have an average build though my hands and feet are small. So much so that I’ve bought canoeing gloves sized extra-small and I have some leather work gloves I use for gardening that are child-sized. Perfect. My absolute favorite socks are from a children’s store. Boys' size seven if memory serves.
It takes a while to get used to ones’ self, and once you’ve done it there’s no guarantee it’ll stick around.
For instance, lately I’ve noticed an extra layer of prosperity around my abdomen. It doesn’t belong there and is serving no purpose. It’s existence nags at me a bit, but there’s no real issue with it.
I’d like it to be gone simply because I’m not used to having it. It’s new and it’s change and that’s what’s nagging at me about it.
Now if someone else had it, then it would be fine. But it’s me and I have trouble thinking I look fine with it.
Frankly, I don’t know what to make of it.
Most of the time I am “at home” with my physical presence. I could stand a wee bit straighter and I do work on it. I keep myself clean and in good repair.
I certainly need more exercise. I hardly got out for any bike rides this summer so I’m back on the stationary bike in the mornings and I’ve gone back to doing the chakra sounds as I pedal.
But no matter how I look at it I am starting to believe that this extra layer of prosperity has to go.
Objectively, it’s not bad, but the constant barrage of health, fitness, and skinny messages with which we are pummeled every day wears away at the even most centered of psyches.
It makes me question whether I’m quite as at home in my body as I think I am.
Doubt is wrong and serves nothing although in some small way it may keeps me on the bike a little bit longer. Maybe I pedal little bit harder.
Perhaps not being quite at home is good. It gives me an edge to get in better shape.
What about you?
Can you put the nagging about health, fitness and skinny to good use? Or does it wear away at you until you eat another batch of brownies to dull the barrage?